Thanksgiving

One of the traditions in the Benson house was for dad to make the stuffing and put the turkey in late wed night then head back to bed. Waking up to the smell of roasting turkey was always a highlight. As time went on I was. able to help dad cook and always looked forward to it.

I have been away from home for six thanksgivings. One when I was on team, three in Kansas, one in San Diego and now one in Dallas. This is the first year I have actually cooked a turkey. As with most things, I decided to do it a little different. I only bought a 5lb breast since it was just us and I decided to smoke it on the Treager grill rather than roasting it. So instead of stuffing the bird the night before, I put the breast into a brine. I put the turkey on at 7:00 Thursday morning and let it smoke for 6 hours. Since it was just us we decided what our favorite sides were and ended up with stuffing, potatos, green bean casserole, corn, roles and sweet potato's. We ate around 2 and sure enjoyed our food. I don't know if it was the best that we had ever had, but it was the first that we had done on our own and in light of all that has gone on recently it was sure nice to sit as a family and think about all that I am thankful for.

Trianns health... I love my wife and have loved her since the day I met her 16 years ago but it is amazing how that feeling is refined and clarified when you realize how quickly things could change. I was forced to think about life without Triann. It was terrifying to say the least. I am learning to enjoy each day and for that I am thankful

My health... I just started taking the remicaid infusions and for the first time in I don't remember how long I don't hurt. Its as if the clock rolled back 10 years.

Our finances... I have been dreading our financial future. Folks have been incredibly generous and have helped us through this time, but I could not see an end to it and couldn't imagine having to spend the rest of my life with my hand out. We are not out of the woods yet, but we were directed to a program by the Scottish Rite Hospital that will pay for all of Emily's medical expenses not covered by insurance. This will include supplies, prescriptions, co-pays etc. We will find out more about this in the coming weeks. In addition we found out that while the injections I can give myself are 700 every two weeks, if I go into the office and get a 3 hour infusion every 6 weeks it will be covered under a 30 dollar office co-pay. Triann still has expenses and life happens, but with those two major expenses possibly under control I can see light at the end of the tunnel.

My faith... I have learned through this last year (fire, job loss, relocation, Triann"s health) that God is watching out for us. Folks will ask how I can say that when terrible things happen to us. I will answer that God does not cause the awful things to happen, but he gives us the strength and ability (through ourselves and others) to get through these things.

I have a million other things as well, but this has turned into a novel already. Suffice it to say that I love my life and look forward to another year of adventures and opportunity's.

Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

The way of boys

This weekend I had the incredible privilege of watching my son play. My parents are in town visiting and we went to Tyler to TX to visit Tom and Diann Brown. Dad was in the Navy with Tom and he and mom have been great friends with Tom and Diann ever since. I don't remember this, but when I was young (4 I think) Mom and Dad brought me down to Tyler to visit with the Browns and dad bought me my first pair of cowboy boots (I say first, because I had many, until I met Triann) Anyhow we were able to repeat the tradition when Dad took Daniel shopping in Tyler this weekend and bought him his first pair of boots. That was cool. I have no idea what my boots looked like but Daniels are brown leather bottoms with camouflage uppers and a John Deere logo. He spent all Saturday stomping around in them until we finally took them off to put him to bed. Emily also got a pair of boots on Saturday, hers were pink with a zipper all the way down the side and stars that light up when she pushes down on them, absolutely perfect for her.

On Sunday, Triann got Daniel dressed in a pair of jeans, a blue flannel shirt and of course his new boots. Tom and Diann's daughter and son in law (Brook and Chris) live in Tyler also and came over that morning with their two kids Daniel 6 and Abby 7. Emily and Abby immediately set off to dress undress and redress the dolls, while big Daniel and Little Daniel headed outside to play.

Now I want to break down the difference between 2 different types of play, city play and country play. City play is either at a playground or in a back yard, playing on swings or kicking balls in the grass while parents worry about cars and weirdo's. Country play involves exploring trees and sheds and jumping in leaf piles, playing with barn cats and walking with sticks. I think that the country play is more natural and that is what I was able to watch this weekend.

I set the rules, don't go down the hill, don't go out on the road and don't poke the dog. With these rules in place and a good cup of coffee in my hand I set him free to explore. Big Daniel and Little Daniel spent hours out there, throwing leaves in the air, pretending they were driving the tractor, petting picking up and then carrying the cat (see Triann's blog for pictures of this patient creature) and discovering how fun it was to carry a stick and the cool noise it makes when you whip it through the air. I didn't go outside to interfere, not because I didn't want to play with my son, but because I saw the value of this time to play and explore with a new friend.

At the end of the day, as the sun started to set big Daniel and little Daniel reluctantly came into the house to warm up. All the leaves had been moved, all the adventures had been had and there wasn't room in their clothes or hair for any more dirt. I welcomed my Daniel into the house with a hug and told him how much fun it was to watch him and how proud I was of him. He smiled and ran off into the living room to play with big Daniel and when I went there in a few minutes to check on him he was asleep on the foot stool.

As I reflect on this I realize as much fun as I had this weekend listening to Dad's stories, visiting with everyone and eating some incredible food, the highlight of my weekend was watching my son play the way I remember playing... with a few rules and a lot of freedom.

I can't help but compare that to my spiritual life. Is it that different? God gives us a few rules and then stands back and watches us as we play, allowing us to explore and make choices on our own. Waiting patiently until the sun goes down and he can welcome us into the house with a hug and tell us how much fun it was to watch us and how proud he is of us.

I thank God daily for my children and how much they have helped me understand more about our Fathers love for us.

Eric

Waiting again.

Back in the same waiting room I wrote about last month, now without the Halloween decorations. I was thinking about how much fun Triann and I are having re connecting with folks on face book. As usual, my head starts digging for a reason for the need to re connect. I mean if I never dis connected I would not need to re connect.

Am I alone? Is this a guy thing or do I secretly enjoy the thrill of finding people 10 years later rather than sharing in their life during that time. And we aren't talking about casual friends, I am hooking up again with folks from LBI that I used to spend most of my waking hours with. These are the guys and gals that helped shape who I am today, music preferences, movies, tv shows, authors, moral values, humor etc. We would stay up and laugh about nothing. Cram into a room and play silly video games into the morning. "Study" for a big exam as a group. Worship, pray and grow together. But I haven't talked to any of them for 14 years.

Its not just this group of good friends, I don't think I have talked to anyone from high school since around graduation, haven't talked to anyone from kansas since we moved. There are only a handful of all the incredible friends I had in San Diego that I have talked to since we left.

The only folks I have kept up with are some of the people from our young married group in vancouver.

I can't think of any wise or funny parallel to life or faith. I really am puzzled and frustrated by this. I have not just met, but have been good friends with some of the most incredible people that God has placed on this earth and have just discarded them.

I have thought about it through the years, wondering where they ended up and making lame attempts to reach out, but never re connecting or bringing them back into my life. I think I have lost something because of that, years of friendship that cannot be replaced.

So I apologize, to my friends past present and future and also to myself for all the years lost. Don't know that I can say it won't happen again, because I don't know why it happens in the first place. But the fun I have had in the last few days have made me really think about how to fix this going forward.

Eric.

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Veterans Day

I just wanted to say thank you to all of the veterans and their loved ones. Your sacrifices have protected all that I love about this country. Just know that I appreciate it and will continue to raise my children to understand what has been given by the service men and women in this country.

"A nation reveal itself not only by the men it produces but also by the men it honors, then men it remembers." - John F. Kennedy

13 Years in a Nutshell

Triann and I signed up for Facebook yesterday at the recommendation of many friends. It has been amazing finding folks we haven't seen forever. So here is a quick run down of the last 13 years.



Triann and I were married in September 1995 right after I returned from a year touring with Captive Free South Central. We moved 2 days later to Abilene Kansas to take a job as a youth director. While there I joined the volunteer fire department and was then hired as a police officer in Abilene.



Triann wasn't real crazy about the police thing so after about a year and a half of putting up with it we moved back to the NorthWest and I started driving for Fedex. Went from that to a brief stint at a hobby shop selling and racing RC cars then started working with my dad operating heavy equipment (probably my favorite job ever!). I went from there to selling conveyor belt and in 2002 a friend encouraged me to jump into the mortgage industry and that is where I have been ever since.

I started in a branch in Portland, OR working for Aames Home Loan. Aames was acquired by Accredited Home Lenders and we moved to San Diego, CA in March 07 to work at their headquarter building. I was laid off in August 07 and started working for JP Morgan Chase in November 07. We moved to Plano TX in June of this year to work at Chase's Irving location.


Our family has grown as well. Emily Rose Benson was born on December 26, 2001 and Daniel Lloyd Benson was born on February 27, 2006.


That's it in a nutshell

I am really enjoying catching up with old friends and looking forward to building those relationships.

If you know how to use Facebook look us up

Eric

Which way is up?

Back in town now and trying to get back into life. Triann is doing it well, I am not at all. I am tired and have not been sleeping well. I am worried about Triann and don't like the fact that she has to do this on her own. That isn't entirely true, I know that I can and will support her, but I can't help her swallow those pills or help her keep her lunch down. This is the person that I love more than anything in the world, the person I have spent the last 13 years with, the person who has born 2 children with me and I am now stuck just watching. And praying. Both for her and her health and also for the health of our family. I really think that she is dealing with this better than I am and I don't think I realized that until I wrote it just now.

So, time to take a deep breath, know that God is in control of all of this and that he will get us through it according to his plan.

Triann and I both put Facebook pages up this weekend. Still not entirely sure what it is, but if you know look us up.

Will try to get my thoughts cleared up a bit and get something else up here this week, but this is all I have right now.

Off to bed.

Eric

What a week

I apologize for the delay in getting this information out, I know many of you have been waiting to hear what is going on down here.

We met with Dr. Habra yesterday to find out what was next. He agreed with Dr Lee the oncologist in Dallas that it was a Stage II Adrenocortical Carcinoma. He has decided on a treatment plan that includes Mitotane (which is a medicine or a pesticide depending on who is selling it) and steroids to supplement the other adrenal gland that will get pretty jacked up as a result of this medicine. Sounds exciting right? Pretty mixed emotions at this point. If she takes the Mitotane she will risk damaging her good adrenal gland, feel fatigued and nauseous, have to wear a medic-alert bracelet, have to take steroids and possibly block the cancer from returning. If she doesn't take it she will feel better but will raise the risk of the cancer returning. How do you make a decision like that. I think you make it the same way we did. Pray a lot, and trust that God has put you in the hands of capable Dr's.

Going forward we will increase the dose of the Mitotane and Steroids monthly with lab results being sent down to Dr Habra in Houston. He will monitor the results and make adjustments to the dose as we go along. Every 3 months we will return to Houston for CT scans and meetings with Dr Habra.

He would not give us any information on the long term story. He didn't want to because it didn't matter and there isn't enough information to do any more than guess. He said that if it was a stage I or Stage IV there is more concrete data, but it is a bit fuzzy for II and III.

I don't really know what else to say. I think we are both hopeful that this will keep things under control, but also nervous about the effects of this new medication.

I also wanted to take an opportunity to thank every single one of you for an incredible week. In light of everything else that was going on, because of your prayers for peace, the donation of the points needed for the hotel stay your generous gifts, we were able to have what amounted to the first family vacation we have had for many years. We took the kids to the zoo and the children's museum, rode the metro train around town and took a few road trips, all as a family. Bottom line we all had a fun and relaxing week together and I can't tell you how much we all needed that.

So now we are headed back home, rested and hopeful and looking forward to tomorrow while remembering to enjoy today.

Eric

Galveston

We had some time today so we took a trip out to Galveston. I wasn't really sure what to expect and was obviously not prepared for the amount of destruction we saw. You could tell in Houston that there had been some serious wind. The part that we have seen so far were in good condition with the exception of some signs that were missing or broken or trees that had blown over, but no major structural damage that we have seen. This started to change the close we got to the island. Started to see more signs down or damaged and saw more and more blue tarps on roofs (someone made a killing on tarps). When we passed the space center and were getting close to the bridge that actually takes you to Galveston island we saw massive debris along the road, I am assuming it was on the road, but had been pushed off to allow traffic. There were boats, couches, beds, everything all in piles along the road. When we got on the island itself it was clear just how bad it was. Parts of town had debris piled 6 foot high all along the road. We went to the north end of the island and then traveled all the way to the south end along the sea wall. I have never seen so many homes on stilts before and could tell that what I was seeing was only a fraction of what had been there before the storm. We couldn't help but compare what we were seeing to our experience in San Diego last year with the fires. Triann and I both felt that the damage was greater in Galveston, but then agreed that it was just different. In San Diego the destruction was visible in the landscape, meaning the trees and land that was scorched, and the homes were burned to the ground with only the brick fireplace and chimney remaining, but the debris was not the same since everything burned. The property in Galveston was just as destroyed, but it was blown all over everything, so that even homes that weren't damaged by Ike were still buried with all the crap from the homes that were. Not sure if that came out right, but too tired to fix it tonight. Bottom line, it was incredible.

We took a ton of pictures, none of which accurately portray the damage. One other thing I will point out is that the town is full of folks working their tails off to put it back together. Many restaurants and businesses are open and folks are doing everything they can to clean everything up. I am anxious to visit again on our next trip and see how things look then. Only thing I can tell you for sure is that if I lived there and was told that a hurricane was coming, you can bet that I would be one of the first off the island.



Hard to see but this is a concrete pier extending out into the gulf, most of the concrete deck and pilings are gone.

All along the roads were piles and piles of debris. We saw everything from vehicles to beds in the piles.

This was a hotel on a pier. The wall on the left part of the building is gone, allowing you to see into the rooms. Again hard to make out, but there are two roadways on either side of the pole. The one to the right has a 2 foot gap where it meets the road we are on, the one on the left is completely gone. There were 2 vehicles that we could see on the left side of the building that were stranded up there.

No comments needed

We were told that there were buildings completely covering the north end of the island. The only evidence of that are a few foundation pieces (even the foundations were taken away by the water) and household debris (Tupperware, cupboards etc)

Day One

Monday was quite a day at MD Anderson. We arrived in Houston on Sunday night only knowing that we had an appointment at noon on Monday. Once we checked in we were given our schedule for Monday and Tuesday. It was a full plate for Monday, 12 - Preliminary paper work, 1 - First meeting with Dr Habra, 2:15 - Labs, 2:30 - Chest X-ray, 2:50 - no more food in preparation for the CT Scan, 5:50 - CT scan prep, and 7:20 - CT scan. It felt a little like the first day at camp. Really that isn't a bad analogy, as opposed to most hospital settings where people tend to sit quietly and keep to themselves, most folks here were pretty chatty, probably because everyone knew they were there for the same thing. Also like camp the "veterans" were quick to share a smile and point you in the right direction.

Anyway, the schedule got blown within the first 45 minutes when the power went out to the whole campus. Of course we were back in an exam room and for about 30 seconds it was pitch black. It was just long enough for me to run through all of the options and decide to work my way back to the windowed waiting room, but not long enough to actually do it. So once the power came back we had a quick meeting with the Dr, where he explained to Triann that she was not a statistic and that once they ran all of their own tests we would all sit down together and make out a plan. Triann really liked that, especially since all we have heard thus far were the percentages. We then took off to the Lab for her blood work and X-ray's. I saw a sign for blood donations and snuck off there for about 30 minutes. We thought after that we would head back to the hotel and see the kids for a few and decided to walk to the train station that was "only a block away", well everything is bigger in Texas and 15 minutes later when we arrived at the station we realized that we would never make it back in time and even if we did with my recent blood loss and Triann still healing we didn't really have it in us, so we settled for a phone call to the room and a quick date at Starbucks. I will digress for one more moment and say that it has been amazing the amount of quality time we have been able to spend since this started, another gift.

We made it to the imaging department at 5:30 and took a seat in a very full waiting room. We were immediately engaged by a group of "veterans". I honestly thought they were all there together the way they were laughing and carrying on, but found out that they had all just met in the waiting room. We were quickly included in the conversation that was hovering around the best barium flavor. The options apparently were banana, cherry, berry and the recent addition apple. Triann quickly turned green as she had not realized she would be required to drink that and was in denial until she was called back and returned to us with a berry flavored "barium smoothie" in her hand. Now Triann's appetite has not been so hot since the surgery and she doesn't eat much right now, so the prospect of drinking 2 containers of any flavor barium did not sit well with her. As a matter of fact it wasn't just the prospect, the actual barium didn't sit well either and she stalled with one sip left of her first container. When the nurse (dubbed the bar keep by our group) returned with the second container, she took one look at Triann's green hue and told her it would be better to keep the one down then try for the second and lose it all. This of course made Triann feel guilty as if she hadn't "finished her homework" (her words) but all the guilt in the world didn't change the fact that she was relieved to take a break.

Things were obviously still behind schedule from the power outage and the fact that Monday's are the busiest day for them, so she wasn't called back for the scan until 8:30. I sat and visited with the significant others of the veterans since all our wives were back there and slowly they came out and left. At 10:45 I was the last one in the waiting room and I had just watched about 13 folks in white Dr jackets leave, I was starting to get worried so I started working my way back into the imaging department. Luckily the cleaning crew was working, not so lucky not many of them spoke english, but eventually we used gestures and interpretive dance and I was able to find my way to where Triann was waiting. What I found out was that she was waiting for the effects of here allergic reaction to the iodine to wear off. I was a little ticked as we had talked with them about that risk, but really was too tired to make too big of a stink. They let us leave around 11:20 and grabbed a burger at Wendy's on the way back to the hotel.

As a result of the iodine issue (you can read more about that on Triann's Blog) the second scan of her neck and head was cancelled (the Dr said he could see enough of the neck from the scan on Monday). So now we are on our own until we meet with the Dr on Thursday.

We are both pretty excited to have some time to look around town and hang out with the kids. Thanks again and again for all the prayers and support and we will keep you updated on what is going on.

A good day

We made it last night around 9:15 after a nice dinner at the Cracker Barrel. I love that place. Good food, not great but consistent and I love walking through the gift shop. Candies I remember as a kid, music I listened to growing up and dvd's of shows I used to love. Its just like going to grandmas if grandma lived in a 15000 sq foot house just off the freeway, had 35 rocking chairs and giant sized checker games on her porch, made most of her money selling candies and nick nacks out of her front room and regularly invited 100's of random people over dinner. (Disclaimer- this was a quickly created thought process and not intended to represent any actual grandmas, if your grandma did meet all of the qualifications above no offense was intended by the author or any of his friends or family. If considering legal action against the author for slander against your grandmother please read previous posts regarding the financial situation of the author and consider a donation to the author for at least the amount of your proposed claim)

Ok that's out of my system. I think most of the random thoughts are due to my discomfort sitting here in the waiting room at MD Anderson with Triann. A whole new round of emotion came creeping in when we walked into the hospital. I think one of Gods gifts is distraction. We have all been able to focus on life the last week or so. working through finances, schedules, home, work, halloween etc. Not much distracting us right now from the reality of where we are and what we are here to do.

I don't think that is all bad, thinking about reality, its just not fun. I can't be the only person that feels that way. Look at the number of fiction books vs. Non fiction. Or the number of movies folks watch. Video games, television, all ways to distract us from life. One deeper thought that is sneaking in my mind, is that if the gravity of this situation didn't smack me right between the eyes, would Gods peace and hope have as much significance?

Something for me to ponder today. It is beautiful outside, my beautiful wife is sitting next to me and my God will get us through this.
It's a good day.

Eric
Sent from my Verizon Wireless BlackBerry

The way down...

Well here is the first official update from our houston trip. We are 180 miles south of our home, stopped at a McDonalds in Madisonville TX, after being stopped in a traffic jam for 48 minutes on I-45. It was definitely the most exciting thing we have seen since we left dallas. Texas has frontage roads along side most of the freeways, when the traffic started many cars crossed the 30 feet of grass on the shoulder to get to the frontage road. I wasn't willing to chance an off road adventure in the mini van so we stayed put. It was very entertaining watching all the different vehicles from sport bikes to trucks with horse trailers make their way through the ditch and to the frontage road. Was also slightly entertaining to pass all of them once the wreck (I think) was cleared. You see the frontage road is one lane and now all 200+ of the rigs that jumped over had to go through 2 stop signs and a light to get back on the now moving freeway. Was it wrong to chuckle a little when we flew past them at 70mph?

So now a quick pit stop and off again to finish the last 97 miles. Anxious to see what is next.

Eric
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Halloween Pictures

Ok, due to multiple requests, here are some pictures of the kids and a quick pic of Triann and I taken today.

Emily dressed as Cinderella

Daniel dressed as a dragon


Triann and I dressed as Triann and I. Isn't she cute?

Eric