Triann left yesterday for a girls weekend in Virginia Beach with her good friend Andrea Silbernagel. Andrea called Triann a few months ago and said she had a ticket and wanted to know if she should come out here or if Triann would like to go out there. Triann posed the question to me and I told her to get the heck out of town. Can you believe that this is the first time she has ever done anything like this? We were talking before she left and I am convinced this is the first time since the kids that she has gone anywhere by herself. Certainly it is the first time she has taken off somewhere just for fun.
For those of you who know my wife well, you know that she didn't want to do this. She takes her role as Mom seriously and felt that she should not leave us alone, at least not to do something fun. Does anyone else know someone like this? I know it's not what she intends but it makes me feel like a crumb. I don't know how long I would debate if the same opportunity came my way. I don't think it comes down to a comparison of how much either of us loves our family, but rather a level of responsibility.
I don't think that I am a "complete" slacker, but I know I am pretty close. Triann goes all the way to the other end of the spectrum, where she doesn't feel right doing things for herself. I can say that both of us have gotten better over the years, and this is part of what attracted us to each other in the first place. She was pulled in by my happy go lucky attitude, and I was drawn to her organized planed out style. Funny how the things that draw you are the things that drive you nuts down the road.
I think all of this is more bothersome to me now in light of these last few months. I wish I could get her to relax more and just enjoy life. Not feel guilty about a cup of coffee every few months, or trusting that God has things under control (I think he has proved that to us perfectly clearly). On the other hand, it would probably be easier for her to relax if she knew that I was there to pick up the slack. The bills have to be paid, the kids have to be fed and clothed and the house has to be cleaned. If I did a better job of all of that she might feel that she could relax.
I heard in a sermon once that a common misconception is that marriage is a 50/50 thing. He said that was bunk, that means you are only putting a half effort into it. He said a marriage should be 100/100. I know we are both working on getting there.
I know she is worried that something will happen while she is gone. Mainly she worries that I will lose Daniel. All because of that one Lowes incident (do you have any idea how many hiding places there are in the kitchen sample area of a home improvement warehouse).
She probably won't read this before she gets back, but just so you know I'm on it. It is a lot of work keeping house and caring for the kids, and it wears me out, but I love being able to do it so she can go and get some much needed rest and relaxation.
Love you babe!
E
Thursday, March 19, 2009
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Sometimes Life Sucks
We have all been here, we are catching up with a friend and asking how things are. Expecting to hear the typical "great" we instead catch them at a moment of need and they share with us some horrible tragedy in their life. It could be anything... the passing of a parent, spouse or child, a severe illness or more prevalent recently the loss of a job and or a home. What do we say? How can we help them?
Often we try to think of something helpful. Some way to give them a piece of advice or some profound saying or encouraging word. Some people have been through something similar and will say they know just what you are going through, or respond autobiographically (my mom just died... I'm sorry, my mom died last Christmas and it took forever to get over it, in fact I don't know if you ever get over it, etc, etc, etc). Many Christians will dig into their bag of verses or will attempt to explain why God allows this stuff to happen. This is when the classics come out... "God is preparing you for something even greater", "It is all part of God's plan", "This too will pass", etc.
Bottom line is that you feel horrible and maybe a little uncomfortable and are trying to come up with something that will help. Let me suggest this, two simple words...
"That Sucks"
Think about it. Think about a time when you have been in that situation. Scared, hurting, broken inside and you share that with someone else only to have them explain why you shouldn't be, or what you should do about it, or how it won't last long, when all you really want is for someone to acknowledge that you are going through a mess, someone to tell you that it just sucks.
There is time for the help and the commiseration later, explaining to them how you got through your own ordeal or offering encouragement, but we have to start by acknowledging the tragedy.
Just to clarify, I believe that God does use the crappy things that happen in this life for good, but I don't believe he causes them. What good could come from this stuff? I don't even pretend that I understand how He thinks or what His plan is, but I can tell you a few things that I have seen.
When we found out that Emily would be born with a birth defect (spina bifida) we were devastated. I personally felt sorry for myself that I would not have a "normal" child, and then sorry for Emily, that she would have to deal with this her whole life and I was mad at God for allowing this to happen. Fast forward 3 months to Emily's birth and extended stay in the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit) and the day we met the Liebelts. They had just found out that their unborn daughter also had spina bifida and were told by the Dr that there was not much hope and they should consider terminating the pregnancy. An aunt happened to be a NICU nurse who was helping with Emily and asked us if we would be willing to talk with them. We spent the next hour or so looking through pictures and answering their questions. Now 7 years later our daughters are best friends and Triann and Lex talk at least weekly.
This silly blog is another example. I would never have put this together if I hadn't been so ready to explode from all of the crap with Triann and cancer that I had to find an outlet. I have heard over and over that my silly ramblings have been encouraging to others that are going through their own garbage. Is it because I am a brilliant writer, stunning people with my amazing prose? Absolutely not, it is God using our tragedy to help others. I am just proud to be in the middle of it.
I'll wrap it up... I am not a shrink, and certainly not a genius, but from personal experience and through talking with others that have also been through some junk (who hasn't?) I know that sometimes life sucks.
The next time someone shares with you about their current tragedy, stop and consider before you respond, maybe "that sucks" is all they need to hear.
E
Often we try to think of something helpful. Some way to give them a piece of advice or some profound saying or encouraging word. Some people have been through something similar and will say they know just what you are going through, or respond autobiographically (my mom just died... I'm sorry, my mom died last Christmas and it took forever to get over it, in fact I don't know if you ever get over it, etc, etc, etc). Many Christians will dig into their bag of verses or will attempt to explain why God allows this stuff to happen. This is when the classics come out... "God is preparing you for something even greater", "It is all part of God's plan", "This too will pass", etc.
Bottom line is that you feel horrible and maybe a little uncomfortable and are trying to come up with something that will help. Let me suggest this, two simple words...
"That Sucks"
Think about it. Think about a time when you have been in that situation. Scared, hurting, broken inside and you share that with someone else only to have them explain why you shouldn't be, or what you should do about it, or how it won't last long, when all you really want is for someone to acknowledge that you are going through a mess, someone to tell you that it just sucks.
There is time for the help and the commiseration later, explaining to them how you got through your own ordeal or offering encouragement, but we have to start by acknowledging the tragedy.
Just to clarify, I believe that God does use the crappy things that happen in this life for good, but I don't believe he causes them. What good could come from this stuff? I don't even pretend that I understand how He thinks or what His plan is, but I can tell you a few things that I have seen.
When we found out that Emily would be born with a birth defect (spina bifida) we were devastated. I personally felt sorry for myself that I would not have a "normal" child, and then sorry for Emily, that she would have to deal with this her whole life and I was mad at God for allowing this to happen. Fast forward 3 months to Emily's birth and extended stay in the NICU (neonatal intensive care unit) and the day we met the Liebelts. They had just found out that their unborn daughter also had spina bifida and were told by the Dr that there was not much hope and they should consider terminating the pregnancy. An aunt happened to be a NICU nurse who was helping with Emily and asked us if we would be willing to talk with them. We spent the next hour or so looking through pictures and answering their questions. Now 7 years later our daughters are best friends and Triann and Lex talk at least weekly.
This silly blog is another example. I would never have put this together if I hadn't been so ready to explode from all of the crap with Triann and cancer that I had to find an outlet. I have heard over and over that my silly ramblings have been encouraging to others that are going through their own garbage. Is it because I am a brilliant writer, stunning people with my amazing prose? Absolutely not, it is God using our tragedy to help others. I am just proud to be in the middle of it.
I'll wrap it up... I am not a shrink, and certainly not a genius, but from personal experience and through talking with others that have also been through some junk (who hasn't?) I know that sometimes life sucks.
The next time someone shares with you about their current tragedy, stop and consider before you respond, maybe "that sucks" is all they need to hear.
E
Monday, March 16, 2009
A modern day miracle
Dictionary.com describes a miracle as an effect or extraordinary event in the physical world that surpasses all known human or natural powers and is ascribed to a supernatural cause. Well, lets see if this fits the bill.
Triann went to Houston again for her scans. These scans were to be compared to the scans in November to see if there were any hot spots. The biggest struggle I have had with this whole thing is that there is just so little information about Triann's form of cancer. There are relatively few cases of Adrenal cancer to begin with but the vast majority of them are stage 4. This means that the cancer has spread to other parts of the body and is very difficult to treat. Because of this most of the information available has a very grim outlook. There are only a handful of cases where for whatever reason the cancer is found prior to stage 4.
I didn't really know what to expect when we went down there, but was very surprised when the doctor came back with a huge smile on his face and told us he was surprised but there were no hot spots. He was so comfortable with Triann's current state that he said we do not need to come back down for 6 months (instead of the normal 3 month gap). He did say that Triann needed to up her Mitotane levels but that once she reached the level of 13 (whatever that means) she could back off the pills.
Let me try to explain why I think this qualifies as a miracle. Bear with me, since I have to go back a bit to set this all up.
Emily was born with a Latex allergy. This meant that Triann had to quit selling rubber stamps and I had to quit selling conveyor belt. Aaron Lane was selling mortgages for Aames Home Loans in Portland and got me an interview. I progressed through jobs inside Aames until Aames was bought by Accredited and I was relocated to their San Diego headquarters in March 07. We thought the move made sense since I had been traveling to San Diego weekly for most of 06. Things didn't quite turn out how we expected since the company closed down most of its operations and I was layed off in August (yes... 5 months after we got there). I looked for a job for 3 months with 0 results. I ended up at Chase based on a dinner conversation between my old boss and my new boss who happen to be related. I understand it went something like this...
New Boss "I am looking for a trainer in San Diego"
Old Boss "That's funny, we just laid a guy off in San Diego"
New Boss "Did you let him go because he wasn't any good"
Old Boss "Oh no, he was the best trainer we had, great with people, quick learner, a real stand up guy, we hated to see him go"
New Boss "Man that's great, I have been interviewing tons of folks for the job, but haven't found just the right one"
Old Boss "Give Eric a call, you won't be disappointed"
(I am not entirely sure it went just like that, but it works for me)
Anyway, I hired on at Chase but after 3 months of no pay in San Diego we were really hurting financially. I heard that there was an opening for my same position in Dallas and approached my boss about it. He said I could transfer out there on my own dime and they would open the position in San Diego instead. This made sense since the cost of living was so much cheaper in Dallas so we did it. We landed here in Dallas in June of '08.
Hang tight, we are getting close to the end...
We were not sure about our decision, when we got here we walked right into the heat of the summer, 110 plus days and $550 electric bills. Any savings we were expecting were eating up by the utilities (I have never paid more than $150 for electricity in my life). In September Triann and I were sitting around talking about whether or not we had made the right decision to come out here, two days later we were celebrating our 13th anniversary in Plano Presbyterian hospital and they were explaining that Triann had a Tumor and that she should get her affairs in order. After that shock we were told that the oncologist was not comfortable with treating Triann and that we needed to go to the best Cancer hospital in the country, MD Anderson.
OK, so did you follow all of that? Let me 'splain... no there is too much. Let me sum up (sorry for that)
If Emily wasn't born with the latex issue I wouldn't have gone to Aames, If I hadn't gone to Aames I wouldn't have been moved to San Diego. If I hadn't gone to San Diego and been laid off I wouldn't have been looking for work. If I hadn't been looking for work (and worked for my old boss at Aames) I wouldn't have hired on at Chase. If I hadn't hired on at Chase, I wouldn't have moved to Dallas. If I hadn't moved to Dallas, I wouldn't have been withing driving distance of the country's best cancer center. If we hadn't have gone through all the stressful things we have already gone through we wouldn't have been ready to deal with this.
Do I need to go on? How about the fact that If Daniel had not jumped on Triann we NEVER would have found the tumor before it grew to a stage 4 (is everyone clear on this? the only way people EVER find this is after it has spread to the lungs and it is noticed there). And now after it was removed there is no sign of any residual stuff anywhere in her body, are you kidding me?
A lot of coinkidinks don't you think? I am sure that you could argue that it was all just chance, that God doesn't care about silly things like this. You could argue all you want, just don't do it with me. I believe whole heartedly that He is interested in our daily lives and if we stop and look long enough we can see His hand (re-read the above).
I want to make a point, and then I will quit for now. Christianity is a greatly misunderstood thing, even by Christians. True Christianity is about a relationship with Christ. We talk to Him through prayer and He talks to us through the Bible and our lives. Deciding to follow Christ does not (I repeat DOES NOT) mean that your life will be easy. No where in the bible does he say that (despite what you hear from some televangelists). It does however say that he will not give you ANYTHING that you cannot handle. That is what makes the difference. I know that I am not doing this alone. Once more, read above.
I think the whole thing qualifies as a miracle (an effect or extraordinary event in the physical world that surpasses all known human or natural powers and is ascribed to a supernatural cause).
How about you?
E
Triann went to Houston again for her scans. These scans were to be compared to the scans in November to see if there were any hot spots. The biggest struggle I have had with this whole thing is that there is just so little information about Triann's form of cancer. There are relatively few cases of Adrenal cancer to begin with but the vast majority of them are stage 4. This means that the cancer has spread to other parts of the body and is very difficult to treat. Because of this most of the information available has a very grim outlook. There are only a handful of cases where for whatever reason the cancer is found prior to stage 4.
I didn't really know what to expect when we went down there, but was very surprised when the doctor came back with a huge smile on his face and told us he was surprised but there were no hot spots. He was so comfortable with Triann's current state that he said we do not need to come back down for 6 months (instead of the normal 3 month gap). He did say that Triann needed to up her Mitotane levels but that once she reached the level of 13 (whatever that means) she could back off the pills.
Let me try to explain why I think this qualifies as a miracle. Bear with me, since I have to go back a bit to set this all up.
Emily was born with a Latex allergy. This meant that Triann had to quit selling rubber stamps and I had to quit selling conveyor belt. Aaron Lane was selling mortgages for Aames Home Loans in Portland and got me an interview. I progressed through jobs inside Aames until Aames was bought by Accredited and I was relocated to their San Diego headquarters in March 07. We thought the move made sense since I had been traveling to San Diego weekly for most of 06. Things didn't quite turn out how we expected since the company closed down most of its operations and I was layed off in August (yes... 5 months after we got there). I looked for a job for 3 months with 0 results. I ended up at Chase based on a dinner conversation between my old boss and my new boss who happen to be related. I understand it went something like this...
New Boss "I am looking for a trainer in San Diego"
Old Boss "That's funny, we just laid a guy off in San Diego"
New Boss "Did you let him go because he wasn't any good"
Old Boss "Oh no, he was the best trainer we had, great with people, quick learner, a real stand up guy, we hated to see him go"
New Boss "Man that's great, I have been interviewing tons of folks for the job, but haven't found just the right one"
Old Boss "Give Eric a call, you won't be disappointed"
(I am not entirely sure it went just like that, but it works for me)
Anyway, I hired on at Chase but after 3 months of no pay in San Diego we were really hurting financially. I heard that there was an opening for my same position in Dallas and approached my boss about it. He said I could transfer out there on my own dime and they would open the position in San Diego instead. This made sense since the cost of living was so much cheaper in Dallas so we did it. We landed here in Dallas in June of '08.
Hang tight, we are getting close to the end...
We were not sure about our decision, when we got here we walked right into the heat of the summer, 110 plus days and $550 electric bills. Any savings we were expecting were eating up by the utilities (I have never paid more than $150 for electricity in my life). In September Triann and I were sitting around talking about whether or not we had made the right decision to come out here, two days later we were celebrating our 13th anniversary in Plano Presbyterian hospital and they were explaining that Triann had a Tumor and that she should get her affairs in order. After that shock we were told that the oncologist was not comfortable with treating Triann and that we needed to go to the best Cancer hospital in the country, MD Anderson.
OK, so did you follow all of that? Let me 'splain... no there is too much. Let me sum up (sorry for that)
If Emily wasn't born with the latex issue I wouldn't have gone to Aames, If I hadn't gone to Aames I wouldn't have been moved to San Diego. If I hadn't gone to San Diego and been laid off I wouldn't have been looking for work. If I hadn't been looking for work (and worked for my old boss at Aames) I wouldn't have hired on at Chase. If I hadn't hired on at Chase, I wouldn't have moved to Dallas. If I hadn't moved to Dallas, I wouldn't have been withing driving distance of the country's best cancer center. If we hadn't have gone through all the stressful things we have already gone through we wouldn't have been ready to deal with this.
Do I need to go on? How about the fact that If Daniel had not jumped on Triann we NEVER would have found the tumor before it grew to a stage 4 (is everyone clear on this? the only way people EVER find this is after it has spread to the lungs and it is noticed there). And now after it was removed there is no sign of any residual stuff anywhere in her body, are you kidding me?
A lot of coinkidinks don't you think? I am sure that you could argue that it was all just chance, that God doesn't care about silly things like this. You could argue all you want, just don't do it with me. I believe whole heartedly that He is interested in our daily lives and if we stop and look long enough we can see His hand (re-read the above).
I want to make a point, and then I will quit for now. Christianity is a greatly misunderstood thing, even by Christians. True Christianity is about a relationship with Christ. We talk to Him through prayer and He talks to us through the Bible and our lives. Deciding to follow Christ does not (I repeat DOES NOT) mean that your life will be easy. No where in the bible does he say that (despite what you hear from some televangelists). It does however say that he will not give you ANYTHING that you cannot handle. That is what makes the difference. I know that I am not doing this alone. Once more, read above.
I think the whole thing qualifies as a miracle (an effect or extraordinary event in the physical world that surpasses all known human or natural powers and is ascribed to a supernatural cause).
How about you?
E
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