Crossroads

Triann and I met at Lutheran Bible Institute in Issaqwah, WA in September of 1995. I can still remember the moment I met her. A group of us guys were sitting in the couches at the top of the common stairs. We had the typical gang courage and were stopping all the girls as they came up the stairs, asking them their names, ages and where they were. I said gang courage because I don't think any of us would have had the guts to do that on our own, but in a group we were all willing to throw it out there. So up the stairs comes this absolutely gorgeous brunette, with curly brown hair, makeup, nails and dressed like a star. We asked her name and she told us Triann, we asked where she was from and she said Bellevue, we asked her age and she said guess... We all guessed high, I guessed 26 and she wouldn't tell us if we were even close (turned out she was 18 but didn't want to tell us that. She smiled with that smile that still melts my heart and headed down the hall, headed wherever she was headed before we stopped her, but she might have had an even bigger smile on her face. We didn't really hang out just the two of us, but the groups that we ended up running with would always end up together. After a month or so of this, I finally got up the courage to ask her to go for a walk with me. We walked around the campus. It was great. The next months were awesome. I remember the first time we held hands, went to dinner, kissed, and layed in the grass staring at the stars and talking about dream homes. Some of the best memories were the walks, eating Chinese at QVC, and coloring together in the running cup.

This went on for the rest of the 92/93 school year. That summer Triann stayed with her uncle in Salem and worked at The Bon so we were still able to hang out. In the fall we both headed back up to Issaquah. The fun dating and flirting went on for that next semester and then I was kicked out of bible college. What??? Yup, kicked out on academic probation. Read back through what I have written and you will see part of what I focused on during that time. Now before anyone reads into this that I am blaming Triann for me getting the boot, it was all me. The time that I wasn't in class, or running around with Triann, I was screwing around on my own. Up all night playing games, visiting and making life long friends. All fun and all good for me but the bottom line was I got the boot because I didn't study.

I had been working on a bachelors degree in Youth and Family Ministry. I had spent my whole growing up involved with the church and my older teen years working with the youth group at my church. I loved the Lord and knew that was what I wanted to do with my life. Getting kicked out of bible college was devastating. In the Lutheran church (where I grew up) to be a pastor you needed a 4 year bachelors and then another 4 years in seminary. 8 years, and I blew it after a year and a half. I went back home to Vancouver, WA and started working for a temp agency taking odd jobs (A whole other post about that) and then heard about Lutheran Youth Encounter. This was a ministry out of Minneapolis, MN that sent teams out for a year, playing music and working with kids in 6 different regions of the US. I sent in an audition tape of my singing and bass playing and made the cut. This started our year of being apart. I proposed to Triann and then jumped on a plane and headed out for a year.

What a year it was, we traveled to a new town in the South Central region (NE, IA, KS, MO, AR, OK, TX and LA) EVERY day, set up, played our gig at the church and then went to stay at a host families house... EVERY night. It was a blast. I met some incredible people and had some incredible experiences that year. Even though Triann and I missed each other terribly, I count that as one of the greatest times of my life. Abilene was a small town in the middle of Kansas. Our team had two stops there that year and I had some incredible times there and made some great relationships... When the year was over, I received a call from Trinity Lutheran Church in Abilene asking if I would be interested in working for them as a Youth Director. What??? I got kicked out of school, but they still wanted me to work there, doing what I had wanted to do. Of course I said yes.

I got home in August, and Triann and I were married on September 30th 1995. Two days later we jumped into the car and took a nice long drive out to Kansas for our honeymoon, by way of Lake Tahoe, Vegas, Sante Fe, and Colorado Springs (again a whole separate post, probably more entertaining from Trianns perspective). We showed up, moved into our first place and went to work. In early 1997 the church was going through some difficulties regarding the split in the ELCA (Evangelical Lutheran Church of America) and the end result was I left. Why?

Tough to answer, there were many reasons to leave and probably just as many to stay. Ultimately I ended up taking a position as a police officer for Abilene and thus ended my career in the church.

Why am I writing all of this? Honestly it is more for me than it is for you. I have been struggling since I left the church, knowing deep down in my heart of hearts that I was supposed to be working for God, but coming up with a million and one reasons why it wouldn't work. I heard my 3rd sermon in as many months this weekend regarding getting involved with the church. Moving to the 3rd step in many ministry models, Meet God, Meet People and Meet Needs. The concept is that a non believer first has to find God and start his relationship with him, then he meets other believers and refines his faith, then he takes his role in the body of Christ and starts to meet the needs of others.

So after years of pushing back, I am now ready to jump in. The best part is I have no idea what that means. I know what I am good at. I am a great facilitator/teacher taking complex topics and delivering them to a wide range of people in such a way that they are understood and owned by the recipients. I love talking to large groups and currently have a job where I am presenting to groups ranging from 6 to 90 people. But I still don't know what I am supposed to do. Do I go back to school, take night classes and try to finish my biblical studies degree to see where that takes me? Will I end up standing in front of a congregation sharing with others how a personal relationship with Christ can change their lives. Or will I be a lay worker (fancy church word for a volunteer), helping around the church leading studies or working with the men's group? How will God use me, what does He want me to do?

Truth is I have no idea and I am ok with that. I am really surprising myself with this. In the past I would already be obsessing with this, trying to plan out what is next and what I need to do. But with the events of the last few months and having finally got it through my thick head that God is in control and will clearly show me where to go, I am not worried about it. I am having fun imagining all the options and feeling the peace of finally turning this over to Him.

I have requested an appointment with my Sr Pastor to talk about education and opportunities to help in the church and will see what I learn from that. I have to say I am very excited about the prospect of finishing my degree, and with all the online options out there today I think I could probably pull it off. Finances... well that is another story entirely. If I can't afford to get us down to Houston for Triann's testing, how in the world could I even dream about paying for school again. Once again, No Idea. But it doesn't hurt to dream, and if it is what God wants me to do, then it will work out.

So here we are 13 years later and I am faced with the exciting prospect of closing this circle, maybe finishing my education, maybe getting involved with the church and maybe crossing the road into the next chapter of my life. Whatever happens, I have now taken my control away and turned it over to God. I am not scared, actually I am excited because I am doing this with the support of the two most important people in my life. My God, and my Wife.

E

Here we go again...

Well, not doing so good keeping up with this. Life has been pretty hectic but good. Triann is up to 8 pills a day now and is very tired but is doing well. I don't know if anyone is actually surprised by that. She is an amazing woman. Just a summary for those new to this. Triann had her adrenal tumor removed in October and we had a visit to MD Anderson cancer center in Houston in November. At that time they took a full body scan. That scan by itself doesn't tell the doctors anything until they have another one to compare it to. So on the 24th of this month (February) we head back down again to have the next scan. With this one they can compare the two and find out if there is cancer anywhere else in her body or if it is gone.

So here we are. It has been a bit of a roller coaster since the initial hospital visit on our anniversary and I think we are coasting right now. Neither of us know whether to say "Triann has cancer" or "Triann had cancer". Other than the fact that the pills are kicking her butt, (making her tired and nauseous), you wouldn't know by looking at her that anything is wrong. And maybe nothing is... it is a weird place to be. Honestly I have not spent much time worrying about the next visit to Houston, even though if the scan comes back showing anything we will be right back in the thick of it. I guess that God is giving both of us peace about this whole thing, and for that I am thankful.

The trip is already starting to come together. My mom is flying down to go with us to Houston and help with the kids, and a co-worker has given us hotel points to use for a room while we are there. We are desperately trying to put funds away to cover gas and food, but I know that the finances will work out also. It is pretty amazing how God works in our lives, even with the things that must be trivial to him.

So here we go again, heading South, trusting God and waiting to see what is next.

E