My Glow in the Dark Rock

The world feels like it is crashing in on me. I was not prepared to hear what the doctor had to say. Actually it wasn't our doctor, he sent in a different surgeon to explain the prognosis. I can only imagine it was because he couldn't figure out how to convey it himself, or it baffled him, or or or. Whoever delivered it, it was still the same. The mass on her ovary that prompted the full hysterectomy and started Triann on menopause at 40 years old was not actually an ovarian tumor but in fact a recurrence of the adrenal cancer from 7 years ago.

A recurrence

Of the adrenal cancer

From 7 years ago

They told us over and over again that as long as it didn't come back she would be ok. If it came back it would likely be from spreading to all of the the parts and pieces that the tumor was originally touching 7 years ago. The cancer would then take over these other parts and pieces and it would be all but impossible to effectively fight it. It would likely end in a very bad way.

But it came back on an ovary, on the opposite side of her body, that wasn't touching the original tumor. The removed all of her lady parts and the pathology on everything was clean, no growth, no cancer. Except for the grapefruit sized (17.5cm x 16.4cm x 15.3cm) tumor that had consumed her ovary.

So now we wait for her Oncologist at MD Anderson in Houston to review all of the slides from this tumor and the 2007 grapefruit sized tumor, to determine what it will take to treat her this time. Another 3 years of taking 14 DDT (yes that DDT, the illegal pesticide) pills daily like she did from 2007 to 2010. Something better something worse?

She is resting now at home. Her parents are here helping with everything (we couldn't do this without them) and she is starting to feel better, despite having lost so many parts and pieces through this surgery. It will be 6-8 weeks before she can lift more than 10lbs (emily is 50lbs) and I assume by then we will be on our way into whatever this new treatment that will take her out for however long.

I am really having troubles with all of this. My best friend is potentially headed back into what she would tell you were the worst 3 years of her life. That poison not only suppressed her adrenal gland and any potential cancer (well, apparently not any...) but made her sick, 24 hours a day. No energy, memory loss, inability to think clearly, no appetite etc. I have a strong faith and know that we can get through anything, but I don't want her to go through this again... and I am pretty upset about it. I want this girl to have some time to just live. I'm not unthankful for the last 3 years of peace, but is that her max?

Past the physical part, I am beyond scared about our finances. While I am trying to get Triann's Pantry (our new business) off the ground, Triann has been the primary bread winner with her party sales at Thirty-One Gifts. I have been able to supplement by playing bass with The Jessie Leigh Band, but Triann is still bringing home the bulk of the money. With her out of commission for who knows how long I have no idea how to pack mixes, hold her purse parties, play bass across the country and be a solid helper her at the house. I don't see the answer and I don't know how to fix it.

I don't know how to fix it.

So I am walking around in a daze, I've got 99 problems and I don't know how to fix one.... (sorry).

Yesterday I heard the mailman and wandered outside to see what was new. Bills, catalogs, maybe a mysterious check. As I was slowly walking out, with my head down and spinning, a woman walking down our street called out. I couldn't hear what she said but I stopped and looked at her. She was in her early 60's, about 5'5" wearing pink track pants and a blue windbreaker. Her brown and white hair was sticking out of a pink sun visor and she was pushing a basket. Immediately judged her, and assumed she was coming to ask me for help with gas, or money for a hotel or any other lie to get money for booze or drugs or whatever. I made eye contact and she called out again... "Did you see your glow in the dark rock". I looked at her quizzically, with no idea what she was asking.  She asked again "Did you see your glow in the dark rock?" As I was about to reply that I wasn't sure what she was talking about and assumed she would then lay into me with her pitch, I suddenly remembered a rock in our flower bed that had shown up earlier in the month.

It showed up the same week that we found out Triann had a mass, the same week that our worries and concerns started to grow based on past history and fear. The week we had to fight hard to remember who was in control and who wasn't. It was the moment that locked me back into the faith that I knew to be true and founded, and reminded me of the poem about the man complaining that in the worst part of his life he looked back and only saw one set of footprints. He complained to God, asking why in his darkest times did God abandon him. God calmly answers, "it was in those darkest times that I carried you". It is a poem I have known since I was a child. I assumed the rock was from one of our friends and had taken a picture to show Triann, but I forgot to share it. 

As all of this is flying through my mind as the woman gets closer. She says to me that she paints the rocks with glow in the dark paint so you can see them in the dark and she drops them in various flower beds as she walks around. She said it is from the footprints poem and it reminds people that Jesus is with them. She said all of this as she slowly walked by, pushing her cart. I responded lamely that I knew the poem and appreciated the rock, I think I mumbled something else but I wasn't able to talk. I wasn't able to articulate how perfectly timed her gift, and also her explanation was. I didn't tell her how badly I needed to see that reminder then, and be reminded of the reminder today. I immediately got lost in my thoughts, remembering our experiences and how we somehow made it through them all. By the time I realized I had drifted off, I looked up and the woman was no where to be seen. We have lived here for 4 years and I have never seen her before. 

I left the rock where it was, you can stop by and see it if you would like. I left it there so that I can wander out that way when I am lost and confused and remember who is carrying me. 

I don't know how this will end. I don't know how we will do this financially. I don't know how Triann is going to make it through another round of chemo. I don't know how the kids are going to do with attention pulled off of them and onto their mother. I don't know.

I don't know

I do know deep down, in a place that I have to visit regularly to stay sane, that I don't have to know and that I will be given all that I need to get through this. 

That has to be enough for now.

Quiet

For a brief moment the world has stopped. Everyone has left the house and I am here by myself. I grabbed a cold drink and went to my back patio to just sit and take it all in. The smell of the fresh cut grass. A warm summer breeze is moving the leaves of the tall trees and I can smell the rhododendrons across the yard. I can hear the birds call and can see the bugs working from plant to plant. The spider works on a web, finishing a perfect design. In the distance I hear a hammer and farther away a saw as folks work on local homes. But right here, in my yard, it's just me, the breeze and my thoughts.

So many things fighting for the prominent position in my mind. Worries, fears, appointments, follow ups, business, kids, doctors, love, faith and frustration. It is always hard for me to focus and it should be even harder right now.

But it's not.

I know that I could spend hours thinking and worrying about everything. Will the oncologist care about Triann. Will they operate in time. Will the tumor metastasize and spread. Will she make it. Will I be able to do this on my own. Can I keep our business going on my own. Can I care of the kids while she is sick. Can I care for the kids if the worst happens. Does God know the outcome. Can God change the outcome. Is my faith enough. Am I being a good example. Does Triann know how much I love her. Does Triann feel like I have her back. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING AGAIN.

I chose not to put question marks on any of the statements above because they are not questions. I know the answer to them all. I KNOW that God will give me the strength to get through this. I KNOW that God will give Triann the strength to get though this. I KNOW that God can use this to strengthen and encourage others. HE has been part of our life and has given us the strength to get through everything. He hasn't caused the hardships but He has used the hardships to show us how much we are capable of if we simply trust in Him.

TRUST

IN

HIM

There will be times through this journey, like all others that we have been on and all others that are yet to come, that I will need to look back on this. I will need to remind myself in that moment of doubt. I will need to remind myself in the moment of worry. I will need to remind myself in that moment of despair...

TRUST

IN

HIM

And in those moments, I will turn to Him, I will tell Him that I can't do it on my own. I will tell Him that I am scared, worried, full of despair. And before the prayer is out of my mouth, before the thought has left my mind, He will bring me back to this place. The place that I am sitting in right now.

The smell of the fresh cut grass. A warm summer breeze is moving the leaves of the tall trees and I can smell the rhododendrons across the yard. I can hear the birds call and can see the bugs working from plant to plant. The spider works on a web, finishing a perfect design. In the distance I hear a hammer and farther away a saw as folks work on local homes. But right here, in my yard, it's just me, the breeze and my thoughts.

Life preps you for life

I sat down this morning to get some of the stuff on my mind off of my mind, in the past writing has seemed to help with that so I thought I would give it a shot again. I am not a writer but seem to got some relief out of writing out the tough stuff. As I sat down and was thinking that through, I thought maybe I should go look and see where this all began.

Here is the first blog entry I made on October 19, 2008

Here is the second later that same day...

I was trying to frame our situation in some of our life experiences up that that point. Here is an excerpt from that second blog that ties into today.

All of this brings us to today and our latest chapter of life. On Tuesday September 30th, 2008 (our 13th Anniversary), my wife went to the Dr to find out about a pain in her abdomen. The Dr ordered an ultrasound and she was then sent to the ER for a CAT scan. This is where I found her, in the ER waiting for the results of the scan. The ER Dr came in and told us that she had a huge tumor and that they were going to admit her. Surgery was scheduled for the following Wed. She spent that entire week in the Hospital trying to get the pain under control and prepping for the surgery. They removed the Tumor on October 8th and we waited quite nervously for the biopsy results. They were returned the next Monday. We were told that the tumor was a Stage II Adrenal Carcinoma and all the dreary news that comes along with that.That is where we are today. My wife is home healing from the surgery and we are waiting for our appointment with MD Anderson in Houston to find out what our treatment options are.

It is interesting, as I wrote all of this out the thought that kept running through my head was that I didn't want anyone to think I was looking for sympathy. I don't know if that is what you were thinking or not, but just to be sure, as crazy as all that history sounds, I wouldn't trade any of it for one second. That chaos is what made us what we are today. I really believe that without all of that "practice" we wouldn't be ready for what we are dealing with today. We have been blessed with incredible families and friends that have kept us from completely loosing it and a God that has continued to get us through it all.

As I sat this morning and read this I smiled a little because in my mind i was about to write the same thing almost 7 years later.

After going to visit the doctor on Monday for abdominal pain, Triann was sent for ultrasound on Tuesday and was told she had a "grapefruit sized" mass in her pelvic area. This word got our attention since it was the exact way the described her adrenal tumor 7 years ago. Further tests were scheduled but we ended up going into the ER over the weekend as Triann was experiencing shortness of breath and pain constantly. In the ER the doctors ordered the imaging to be completed on site. When the results came back the doc explained that the mass appeared to be malignant and that we would need to follow up with her primary doctor to make a plan. 

A little different than last time, but an eerily similar experience. 

I keep waiting for the panic to set in, for the what ifs and what thens to overtake my brain and crush my spirit. But it isn't happening. Triann and I are calmly walking through each step. There are tighter squeezes on the hands at times, but then the grip relaxes and we just enjoy each other and that moment.

Not sure where any of this is going, the tumor, the writing our lives, but I know that I don't need to know. I have experience and history to show me that our life has prepared us for this. Our God has walked us through the trials that we have experienced and we have actual proof that we can get through them.

Eric

Cranberry - BBQ Pulled Turkey GF/DF/SF

This was a monumental year for my family. We hosted Thanksgiving for the first time. We made a braised turkey, mashed potatoes, cornbread stuffing, gravy, green beans with bacon and a handful of pies. The whole dinner was gluten, dairy and soy free and tasted great. It was a lot of fun and we all ate good.

I will share the recipes for the main meal, but thought I would start with a great recipe I found for leftover turkey first.

I read The Daily on my iPad, the weekend addition this week had an article titled Leftover Makeover written by Bill Bradley. It included a series of recipes for leftovers from Joe Doren, head chef at Chicago's Franks 'n Dawgs. Lots of great ideas, but one stood out to me as a decent option for our allergies.

From The Daily, Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Pulled Turkey Sandwich

"kind of like pulled pork, but with turkey. Take about 3/4 cup of your leftover cranberry sauce, add 1 cup of bourbon and reduce that down until you cook off most of the alcohol but still get the bourbon flavor. Mix in your favorite barbecue sauce and simmer until it's warm. Shred up some of your turkey breast or turkey leg or whatever you have left over, and mix it with the sauce in the bowl. You traditionally get a slaw with a pulled pork sandwich, so you could do a slaw with cabbage and some shaved raw green beans mixed in with mayo to taste. Just put it on any sort of bun or leftover rolls you might have"

This looked intriguing so I gave it a shot. Here is what I used...

3/4 cup homemade cranberry relish
1 cup Pendleton Whiskey (locally bottled canadian blend)
1/2 cup homemade "Red Neck" BBQ sauce


I put the relish and whiskey in a sauce pan over medium heat. I let the sauce reduce for 5 min, long enough for the alcohol to burn off but still retain the flavor.

My kids are a little finicky so rather than leaving the sauce chunky I threw it in the vita-mix to smooth it out.

I put the sauce back into the sauce pan and added the BBQ sauce, bringing it all back up to a simmer.

I added about 3 cups of diced dark meat. To be honest dark meat is not my favorite, I used it in case the recipe didn't turn out :) 

With the chicken and sauce combined, it was now time to find something to put it on...

I ended up with pan fried corn tortillas. I am sure someone can correct me on the right way to warm these up, but I usually use a non stick pan or griddle at medium heat. I drizzle a little oil and sprinkle salt in the pan, then I add the tortillas and move them around to pick up the salt. I heat them until the bubbles in the tortillas start to expand, then flip them and wait for the same from the other side. This has been a normal replacement for bread for me. I will put all sorts of sandwichy ingredients in there, but I digress...

I added a little of the bbq turkey to the hot tortilla, folded it over and went to town...

It was great. It had a sweet smokey taste to it that is very tough to explain. Here is the real kicker... my kids couldn't get enough of it. The portion I made was devoured in a little under 10 minutes by my family.

On the second pass I added a little fresh cranberry sauce on top like a salsa. If I had cabbage, I would have shredded that and used it as well.

All in all this is a very simple recipe and very tasty. I made it again at my parents house later that day and we used it as a dip for tortilla chips. I could also easily see this as the topping on a pizza. The turkey is good and timely but you could use the same recipe with leftover chicken, beef or pork just as easily.

Give it a shot and let me know what you think.

Stay Hungry!

Chicken Tortilla Soup (GF/DF/SF)

No question, no hesitation... this is my favorite soup. I have tried many differnt variations of this over time, but it always comes back here, to the Chicken Tortilla Soup. I am not going to try and convince you this is better than such and such resteraunt or so and so's recipe, but try it and tell me what you think :)

As good as this tastes, it couldn't be easier to make. Give this a good read, give it a shot and you will see that it is not only easy but convenient as well. This is something you can throw together in 30 minutes and convince folks you slaved over it all day :)

A few notes before we get into it:

- My recipes have all been built around large groups, so if it is just two of you in the house make sure you scale it back, or you have room in the freezer for a lot of soup pucks!

- I use home made chicken stock (easy recipe here) and I keep it pretty rich (meaning I don't thin my stock out as far as I could), so... when I use stock in a recipe I use 1 part stock to 1 part water. So you can expirement and see what you like, but if I call for 8 cups of stock, that would be 2 boxes of store stock, or 4 cups of my stock and 4 cups of water. Clear as mud?

- The recipe below calls for 4 cups shredded chicken. I used the chicken from my stock recipe, but there are other options. You can use canned chicken (it shreds well), you can throw some breasts into the crockpot with salt, pepper and cumin (it will shred well also) or you can grill some chicken with the same spices and then dice it. It all tastes good :)

- Soup is very forgiving but make sure you taste as you go. You can add seasoning but you cannot take it out. In this soup we are going to use some hot spices. They can add zest and zing, or they can remove your taste buds, so take your time and enjoy the spoon fulls along the way (I keep a tasting bowl by the stove, I use the mixing spoon to serve a taste into the bowl, then I use one bowl and spoon for the whole session, vs multiple spoons into the pot). If you ever leave the kitchen hungry, you didn't taste enough :)

So with all that out of the way, lets give this a swing...

Chicken Tortilla Soup:

• 2 Tbl oil (olive, canola, etc)
• 1 large onion - diced
• 2 cups chopped carrots
• 6 ribs celery diced
• 4 cloves garlic
• 1 Tbl salt
• 1/2 Tbl black pepper
• 1/2 Tbl cumin
• 1/4 tsp crushed red pepper
• 1/4 tsp chili powder
• 16 cups chicken stock (see above, 2qts homemade + 2qts water OR 4 qts store bought stock)
• 4 cans diced tomatoes
• 1 cup frozen corn
• 4 cups cooked and shredded chicken (see notes above)
• 1/2 cup fresh cilantro chopped
• splash of lime juice

If you made it through the ingredient list above, then you have conquered the toughest part of this recipe.

 

 

in a large pot (I use a 12qt) heat the oil and add the onions, carrots and celery. Let that cook for a few minutes (my favorite smell) then add the spices. Stir this well and let it work together for a few more minutes.

 

Add the Stock (I put mine in frozen) and water if necessary

 

Open and add the diced tomatoes.

 

A quick disclaimer... I used to cut up fresh tomatoes and that tastes amazing, but man it is a ton of work... I now just use the canned tomoatoes and have had great luck with it. As you can see aboce I also mix it up a bit. Sometimes it has to do with what is in the cupboard, but if I have my druthers I will usually have 2 cans of roasted dice, one plain diced and one with green chilies (like a rotel)

Let this work for a bit (the longer it goes the more flavor you get). In my perfect world this will sit and stew for an hour before I fuss with it, but that rarely happens and it still turns out great :)

 

The next step is optional and obviously depends on your access to the gadgets. I tastes the same either way.

I prefer to have this soup blended. I like the rich red base with the whole corn, shredded chicken and diced cilantro added after. I do this with an immersion blender, but you could also do it in portions in a blender.



Next add in the frozen corn, shreded chicken and diced cilantro. It should look pretty close to this.

 

now start tasting to fine tune the soup. If it tastes "flat" you probably need more salt, or if it is "dull" you could add more black or red pepper. Also don't be afraid to add a little more cumin. As stated above, take your time with this and don't add too much to fast. This is the part that makes it yours :)

When it is all done, serve it :)

I love to crunch up a few handfulls of tortilla chips (mission brand is Soy Free if that is important) and serve the soup over that. We have also served over rice to stretch it out. Either way put a pinch of fresh cilantro on top and enjoy.

If you don't have allergies then a dallop of sour cream, or a handful of shredded cheese might add to this (but it doesn't need it... trust me, try it) Otherwise a scoop of fresh salsa or slices of avacodo can top it off.

That's it... Cook the veggies, add the stock and tomatoes, blend, then add chicken corn and cilantro... Very straight forward and very statisfying.

This is a perfect soup for Game Day, so give it a shot and let me know how it turns out.

Stay Hungry!

 

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What Do I Do With The Leftovers?

So the last two posts have been about liquids (chicken stock, and potato soup), so this one is going to be about what you do with the leftovers (if there are any).

The answer (according to me) has to do with your intentions down the road. If you think you are going to eat it within a few days then just throw it in the fridge. I recommend storing it in glass but use what you can.

If it is going to be a while before you are going to use it then it is off to the freezer.

Next question is how you will use it when you need it. The two options here are in bulk (a pot full) or individual servings, for portions, lunches etc.

For the bulk packaging, I put 4 cups at a time into double bagged freezer bags. This gives me frozen portions exactly equal to the boxes of chicken stock you find at the store. (You can find the quart boxes for $3/box, my bags are closer to .75/bag...)

For portions, I use a Demarle Muffin Pan. These make 1/2 cup (4oz) soup pucks. These are very useful for lunch portions for soup, or sick portions for the chicken stock. Fill the cups with liquid (soup or stock) and transfer to the freezer. Two of these portions equal the 1cup portions mini boxes you find at the store. These are about $4 for a four pack or $1 per cup. My stock is less than .20 per cup.

When the "pucks" are frozen solid, then I transfer 4 at a time into a quart size freezer bag and store them for later.

I put soup "pucks" in a bowl and reheat, or the stock "pucks" in a cup and give them to whoever is sick :)

It is soooooo nice to have a freezer full of food ready to go at anytime.

If you have any questions about anything you see here let me know...

If you have not seen Demarle products before or are looking for something specific (like the Muffin Pans shown above), follow this link.

If you want more great Gluten/Dairy/Soy free recipes, then stay tuned :)

In the spirit of full disclosure, I am eating the bowl of soup shown above as I type, so if I seem distracted it is because it tastes even better than it looks :)

Stay Hungry!

Gluten/Soy/Dairy Free Baked Potato Soup or Clam Chowder

Potatoes are a staple in our house. We like them baked, mashed, shredded, grilled and fried. One of our favorite ways to serve them though, is in thick and creamy potato soup. This recipe will let you make a number of different soup but we will start with the basics...

Creamy Baked Potato Soup. (this makes 10qts, so scale accordingly)

4T oil (safflower/olive/etc)

1/2 med onion diced

4 ribs celery diced

2 large carrots diced

2 cups of cooked Ham diced

6 large potatoes diced

8 cups chicken stock (see my earlier post)

4T non dairy butter

4T flour alternative (I use brown rice, but any should work)

8 cups unsweetened vanilla almond milk

lots of salt and pepper

I start almost every soup the same way... onions, celery and carrots in a little oil at the bottom of a stock pot... such an amazing smell! So that is where this starts also...

Use enough oil to cover the bottom of the pot and add the onions, give it a second and add the carrots, then the celery. Stir to keep it from browning, add a few good pinches of salt. Add the ham and let that work together for a few minutes. I do this until the veggies start to soften a little.

The broth and most of the potatoes go in next (I hold out a few cups of potatoes to add later). Add a bunch of salt to this, you have to work pretty hard to over salt potatoes, and plenty of fresh ground black pepper. Bring this to a boil and let it go for 10-15 minutes, or until a potato will smash easily against the wall of the pot.

When the potatoes are done, take a potato masher to the pot and mash them in the pot. You could also use an immersion blender, but I prefer having chunks in the soup. 

let this sit for a moment and grab a small stock pot. Put the 4T of fake butter (I use earth balance soy free plus a splash of Wildtree butter flavored oil) in the sauce pan and let it melt. Whisk in the 4T GF flour until you have a thick paste. Next step is to add this to the soup, a little at a time, whisking all the time. Bring this back to a boil to thicken.

This is where I add in the potatoes I held back earlier. This adds a great texture to the soup. Now stir in the almond milk and bring it back temp. 

Take a quick taste and add more salt and maybe some more pepper. Remember you will have to work to over season this.

You can leave things just like this, or you can open a few cans of minced clams and add them to make a chowder. 

Enjoy, and freeze any leftovers in freezer bags for quick access later.

Many folks have told me that this is as good a "cream" soup as any they have every had... You don't always get to hear that about allergy free food so it is a real treat to serve this to a house full of friends. 

Be creative with this and let me know what variations you come up with. 

I have a request for tortilla soup, so that will likely be the next post here. If you have something you would like to see or need a allergy free option for a favorite food let me know. 

Thanks for reading, and Stay Hungry!